Assembly Required

My very good friend from Dallas, Annette, came to visit last weekend. I was so excited for her to come and see the house. I, unfortunately, had to work the majority of Saturday. While I was seeing patients she fixed my wireless internet (thank the Lord, you're a lifesaver, I am forever indebted and ecstatic and will spend countless hours of my life being totally non-productive as I can read the Pioneer Woman's blog from anywhere inside or around my house!) and she made magaritas. I love margaritas.

I got home and we took a quick tour of the greater Siloam Springs area. We saw tiny people dangling from parachutes above the airport. We sang the, "Sic 'em on a chicken" song -- okay so it was only me that sang the sic 'em on a chicken song -- but it's so hilarious, I laugh, I cry and my favorite part is that you can get another one for $1.79!! Moving on.....we went to Lowe's so that I could get her opinion on the new patio furniture that I've been lusting over. I had been putting off buying it due to other expenses but I realized if I waited that it all might be gone and that the summer nights would be over (I became sad and sadness always ends in an unnecessary purchase.) So I bought the furniture. Yes, I gave in, I caved, I broke down and I BOUGHT the furniture. A love seat, a coffee table, a small bar height table and two bar height chairs with lovely, vibrant red cushions. I am in love. And did I mention I also bought a charcoal grill to go with it? It matches. It's black.

Moving on, again. I wheeled the gigantic boxes out on this blue cart thingy all the while trying not the hit the curbs around the parking lot which would propel me over the cart and boxes and leave me lying dead on the pavement -- or at least in considerable pain and embarassment. Annette helped me load the boxes into the back of my Yukon. They fit, thank heavens, they fit. I slammed the doors and the first one acted like it caught and then stuck. I had immediate flashbacks of the time at Sabrina and Chad's near Stillwater when I was dropping off my truck and waiting on Kyle to pick me up to go to Texas. My favorite pair of sunglasses that Bri and I got in California at the beginning of 2008 somehow ended up smashed and stuck in the between the back truck door and the truck frame itself. Oh the horror. The worst part was that I couldn't get the door open. I tried and pried. Sabrina tried. Kyle tried. We went inside before leaving and Kyle had an epiphany. He went back out to try to get it open. He succeeded, of course. I could have done it...I just needed more time. After all my undergraduate major was engineering for a while. He isn't that brilliant. Okay, I'm lying, but it's a nice thought anyway. Flashback to present. Annette and I went to Wal-mart so that I could show her the cream of the crop from Siloam Springs. Haha. Ha. We bought some groceries so that she could make her absolutely wonderful and easy Mexican Chicken casserole recipe. We got everything and headed back to the house.

The thought process was this: "The margaritas are already frozen and ready to go. We should just have one and unload everything. We will put together some stuff and then make dinner." We pour our drinks and open the gate to the back yard. The back door of the Yukon ended up not being stuck and we took the heavy boxes one at a time to the patio. The funny thing was that it was funny! I was walking backwards carrying this box that was bigger than I was and it was just funny. We lifted it above the little fence surrounding my patio and I lost it, snorting with laughter and dropped the thing right on my forearm leaving a huge red bruise and a black and green oval one just proximal to it. (Proximal -- yes, it is English. It's the opposite of distal -- look it up Mr. EMT.) Long story short, we opened all the boxes and proceeded to unwrap and attempt to assemble all the furniture. I should have know when the lady at Lowe's asked if I wanted everything assembled for me for $10.00 more. I am too stubborn and hard-headed and self-sufficient for that. I declined. Why in the hell did I decline??

Two margaritas down and I'm sitting on the concrete with a hex key and this tiny, tiny wanna-be wrench that came in the package. It felt like forever. Annette had gone in to make the casserole and I was hunched over tightening these tiny screws, singing along with Eli Young Band, and cursing the people who thought they designed the furniture well. I put the coffee table together holding the legs up with my chin. It was a sight. The grill, other table and loveseat would have to wait until tomorrow. I was getting hungry, it was getting dark and I had to get all those boxes out of there to take to be recycled the next day. Oh those boxes. Never, ever try to throw a box that is bigger than you are over a privacy fence after 2 margaritas. Not only did the box not go over, but it came back down on me and I fell on top of it laughing. Not one of my finer moments. Here is how we have progressed today:

The loveseat is still unassembled with the cushions scattered haphazardly around the patio. Next time, I will try it with no margaritas.