My Scarecrow's Bottom

I arrived home from work today in the twighlight hours to find my largest pumpkin "leaning" on the bench on my front porch. By leaning I don't mean the whole pumpkin was leaning...only a part of it. That is not a good sign.

It was rotten. Necrosing. My pumpkin had rotten, necrotic innards. I raced to the pantry to obtain a kitchen trash bag and returned to the scene of the crime. I tried to move the rotten pumpkin, plopping it from the bench to the open trash sack below. The pumpkin tore at it's waist and the innards went flailing about the porch. After donning a pair of examination gloves I scooped and scooped and scooped the escaping pumpkin seeds (peppinis?) and goo from the bench and the floor of the porch. I finished cleaning and was wavering from the stench when I realized what else had happened. The pumpkin had suffered a previous excoriation and leaked pungent smelling pumpkin juice down the length of the bench and underneath my scarecrow. His jeans were tinted with orange liquid. My scarecrow's bottom was messed.

I can't put him in the washer...it will ruin his straw hat. I hung him upside on the handle of the lawn mower to dry out. I suppose I'll have to power wash him. This will not be optimal. And that's all I'm going to say about my scarecrow's bottom.