If you give a pig a prozac....

Have you ever read the well-known children's series by Laura Joff Numeroff?  "If you Give a Mouse a Cookie?"  "If you Give a Moose a Muffin?" and so forth...

Well, I would like to add a book to that series.  My inspiration comes from a crazy experience with a woman and her pig at 4 o'clock in the morning on a Monday...well, make that Tuesday.  And without going into the whole case and the whole craziness, I'd like to continue with a farce. 

If You Give a Pig a Prozac

If you give a pig a Prozac
She's going to oink for a gin and tonic
When she gets the gin and tonic,
She'll ask you for a lime
When she's done, she'll want some salt
Then she'll need to rub the salt off her snout in the grass
When she gets out there in the dirt
She can't help herself but to root
When she's done rooting
She'll want to roll in the mud and soil her dress
When she's through she'll want her crazy owner to wash her dress
She'll probably ask her to cut up an apple
And then she'll want to eat it
When she's finished, her owner will pick her up and flip her over
Her owner will call for help when she squeals
After everyone runs because they think it's an emergency
Her owner will try to calm her down
Which means she will need more of her owner's Prozac
This will make her thirsty and she'll ask for a gin and tonic
And chances are, she'll need another Prozac to go with it.

The End

And this is why the owner is crazy (she is giving all her Prozac to the pig).   And this is why the pig is in the hospital with neurologic signs.  And this is why three veterinary clinics referred her to us.  And this is why I have now lost my mind....