Surviving Shoulder Surgery
I should have thought to research the topic long before my surgery (which occurred last Thursday). Although if I had, I am afraid I would have run screaming the opposite way and never consented. They didn't tell me that I wouldn't be able to provide for myself some of the most basic functions of life.
1. I can't fix my hair. Or wash it. It's enough to bring even the strongest person to their knees.
2. I can't dress myself. And I have to wear all button up shirts and pants that have an elastic waist. And slip on shoes. And I can't put my own socks on....among other things.
3. Don't even think about earrings.
I am only telling you this because it is paramount to your sanity that you know if you are to have this procedure! And it's not easy...pecking away with one finger of a non-dominant hand to get this information to you. And because I don't want you to cry while you have realizations of what your life will be like for 6 weeks. I mean I didn't....but okay, maybe a little. Like every day after the first two. Until yesterday.
4. It is impossible to peel your own banana.
5. Your affected arm will not budge enough to use deodorant. This is not a positive thing. You might have to walk around with a sock under your arm to prevent a rash. Just sayin.
6. Forget about makeup.
Suffice it to say that you really do need a caretaker. Otherwise you have conversations with yourself while you sit aimlessly on the couch propped on pillows. It's all a little much for my poor husband. The first day he left me a glass of water and a peeled banana until he got home at 5. The next day he had to leave early and forgot the banana and water. He came home to me crying on the couch because I just really wanted to wash my hair. And because I was hungry.
I have since learned to get up and down little better. To open the cereal box and eat dry cereal for breakfast. I haven't quite mastered lunch. I tried today to pop in a microwave SmartOnes. However, I did not consider that the microwave is above shoulder level and you can't take a hot plate out with one hand. I had the forethought not to peel the plastic back to stir, thankfully, because I had to pull the container out and let it fall to the stove below until it cooled enough to jimmy into position between two permanent objects and peel the cover off.
Oh and if you only remember one thing...get the nerve block. It may cause you to wake up and think your arm is doing something it really isn't or that you are holding something amazing, which you aren't. But, if nothing else it keeps your hand very warm...oddly warm for about 14 hours. And then it will be like ice - so enjoy!! At least for 14 blissful hours you won't feel pain.
I will continue to regale you with the wonders of one-armed living. And my conversations with myself. Stay tuned.
1. I can't fix my hair. Or wash it. It's enough to bring even the strongest person to their knees.
2. I can't dress myself. And I have to wear all button up shirts and pants that have an elastic waist. And slip on shoes. And I can't put my own socks on....among other things.
3. Don't even think about earrings.
I am only telling you this because it is paramount to your sanity that you know if you are to have this procedure! And it's not easy...pecking away with one finger of a non-dominant hand to get this information to you. And because I don't want you to cry while you have realizations of what your life will be like for 6 weeks. I mean I didn't....but okay, maybe a little. Like every day after the first two. Until yesterday.
4. It is impossible to peel your own banana.
5. Your affected arm will not budge enough to use deodorant. This is not a positive thing. You might have to walk around with a sock under your arm to prevent a rash. Just sayin.
6. Forget about makeup.
Suffice it to say that you really do need a caretaker. Otherwise you have conversations with yourself while you sit aimlessly on the couch propped on pillows. It's all a little much for my poor husband. The first day he left me a glass of water and a peeled banana until he got home at 5. The next day he had to leave early and forgot the banana and water. He came home to me crying on the couch because I just really wanted to wash my hair. And because I was hungry.
I have since learned to get up and down little better. To open the cereal box and eat dry cereal for breakfast. I haven't quite mastered lunch. I tried today to pop in a microwave SmartOnes. However, I did not consider that the microwave is above shoulder level and you can't take a hot plate out with one hand. I had the forethought not to peel the plastic back to stir, thankfully, because I had to pull the container out and let it fall to the stove below until it cooled enough to jimmy into position between two permanent objects and peel the cover off.
Oh and if you only remember one thing...get the nerve block. It may cause you to wake up and think your arm is doing something it really isn't or that you are holding something amazing, which you aren't. But, if nothing else it keeps your hand very warm...oddly warm for about 14 hours. And then it will be like ice - so enjoy!! At least for 14 blissful hours you won't feel pain.
I will continue to regale you with the wonders of one-armed living. And my conversations with myself. Stay tuned.
Comments
Post a Comment