Taxidermy

taxi·der·my

noun \ˈtak-sə-ˌdər-mē\

: the skill, activity, or job of preparing, stuffing, and mounting the skins of dead animals so that they look like they did when they were alive

 

from Merriam-Webster.com

 

 

Here's the question of the day..."who thought of this concept or process???"  Who decided it would be a good idea to "mount" dead things in their house?  I mean they sit there staring at you.  It gives me the heebie-jeebies.

 

I have a corner of my mind, however, that thinks taxidermy could be used for funny things.  What I mean by funny things is that one could manipulate the dead animal to make it amusing.  For instance, put funny teeth in it or arrange an unusual item with it.  But then again...what would one do with this creation short of bad coffee table conversation.  Or , I suppose that very. special. gift.  (oh how this thought makes me chuckle)

 

Here are some random masterpieces that I found on google:

I mean...what IS this?  It's like a sideways Janus of rodent or rabbit expression.  The picture title said something about "do-it-wrong taxidermy."

Oh, everyone needs this rodent-turned-duck on their desk!



"Uh, excuse me.  I really gotta go....."

 



This brings me to the point that I have too much duck meat in my freezer.  I mean there's no way we are going to eat that much duck.  And, I'm on a diet anyway.  I mean, that stuff is not even good for you.  Fatty foie gras.  We have so much, in fact, that I had to MOVE the excess duck off our normal food in there.  Gross.  Being a veterinarian, I know that when you cut up dead animals it's difficult to be nice and neat about it.  The sacks or bags that you put the meat in always end up with "stuff" on the outside of the bag. And I just don't happen to want that "stuff" on my food.  Okay?  Okay. 

 

Anyway, Cody looked into getting a duck mounted (for $320.00---omg....$320.00!).  What is he thinking?  Do you know what I can do for $320.00? Ridiculous.  And who wants some fake flying thing in their house??  I can tell you who doesn't! 

 

Sometimes I dream that I wake up at my old desk in Texas and I'm suddenly in Alfred Hitchcock's "The Birds."  One corner of the room was covered in pigs, deer, and various birds, including ducks and turkeys.  I am scarred for life.