Opie and Ginger's Wild Adventure
I apologize in advance for the slightly non-politically correct remarks below that my mother will not approve of. However, they are necessary to portray the story...
I have gotten a series of after-hours phone calls from a woman, well, we'll call her 'Barb.' The first call was roughly three weeks ago. I returned the page and woman says, "Opie's pee pee is bleeding." At this point in time I am convinced that I am talking to a 4 year old. Do adults really use these words when talking to other adults?? To a doctor?? She goes on to say that she thinks Opie bred Ginger. Okay. I calm her down and assure her that from the amount of bleeding she is describing that Opie will probably recover but that he doesn't need to be breeding ANYTHING for some time until he heals.
Fast forward to yesterday. 'Barb' calls back and expects me to remember her amongst the 700 people I talk to every week. It all came rushing back when she exclaimed, "I called you about Opie's pee pee." Oh dear. Twice? This is happening to me twice? But today Opie's pee pee was fine and dandy...it was Ginger this time. She feels it in her bones that Ginger is bred. BUT, her rosebud is swollen.
Time Out. If you can only imagine the thoughts running through my head. Seriously? Is this Roy D Mercer? Should I start screaming in a minute? Am I hallucinating that I'm teaching pre-school?
Oh my dear heavens. Not her rosebud. (*thinking this is ludicrous!*) But it gets worse. 'Barb' has been googling. She has been looking up medical information on the internet. She has now decided that since she and her husband have no children and because her pets are her children that she can't aid them through the birthing process. (well then you shouldn't have let them breed, Barb) She had decided that she will bring Ginger to the clinic so that we can watch her for weeks and birth the babies. Sorry Barb. No can do. We don't have 24-hour technician help. We aren't going to watch little Ginger. We don't offer that service. Comprende?
'Barb' says, "You don't!! Oh no. But I've already decided to do that." (Me:) "Sorry 'Barb,' NO YOU 'RE NOT!"
'Barb' then informs me that she's bringing Ginger to the clinic in a couple of weeks for a "pregnancy MRI." (Me:) "'Barb,' we don't have an MRI. 'Barb,' we are a rural clinic. 'Barb,' you have lost your marbles. 'Barb,' people like you shouldn't breed. 'Barb,' you don't use an MRI for pregnancy diagnosis. But, 'Barb' I'll be HAPPY to refer you anywhere on God's green earth so that anyone else with a degree can tell you that."
I have a feeling that I'll be seeing 'Barb' very soon.
I have gotten a series of after-hours phone calls from a woman, well, we'll call her 'Barb.' The first call was roughly three weeks ago. I returned the page and woman says, "Opie's pee pee is bleeding." At this point in time I am convinced that I am talking to a 4 year old. Do adults really use these words when talking to other adults?? To a doctor?? She goes on to say that she thinks Opie bred Ginger. Okay. I calm her down and assure her that from the amount of bleeding she is describing that Opie will probably recover but that he doesn't need to be breeding ANYTHING for some time until he heals.
Fast forward to yesterday. 'Barb' calls back and expects me to remember her amongst the 700 people I talk to every week. It all came rushing back when she exclaimed, "I called you about Opie's pee pee." Oh dear. Twice? This is happening to me twice? But today Opie's pee pee was fine and dandy...it was Ginger this time. She feels it in her bones that Ginger is bred. BUT, her rosebud is swollen.
Time Out. If you can only imagine the thoughts running through my head. Seriously? Is this Roy D Mercer? Should I start screaming in a minute? Am I hallucinating that I'm teaching pre-school?
Oh my dear heavens. Not her rosebud. (*thinking this is ludicrous!*) But it gets worse. 'Barb' has been googling. She has been looking up medical information on the internet. She has now decided that since she and her husband have no children and because her pets are her children that she can't aid them through the birthing process. (well then you shouldn't have let them breed, Barb) She had decided that she will bring Ginger to the clinic so that we can watch her for weeks and birth the babies. Sorry Barb. No can do. We don't have 24-hour technician help. We aren't going to watch little Ginger. We don't offer that service. Comprende?
'Barb' says, "You don't!! Oh no. But I've already decided to do that." (Me:) "Sorry 'Barb,' NO YOU 'RE NOT!"
'Barb' then informs me that she's bringing Ginger to the clinic in a couple of weeks for a "pregnancy MRI." (Me:) "'Barb,' we don't have an MRI. 'Barb,' we are a rural clinic. 'Barb,' you have lost your marbles. 'Barb,' people like you shouldn't breed. 'Barb,' you don't use an MRI for pregnancy diagnosis. But, 'Barb' I'll be HAPPY to refer you anywhere on God's green earth so that anyone else with a degree can tell you that."
I have a feeling that I'll be seeing 'Barb' very soon.
That is hysterical! Rosebud!!! Never heard that one. Does she mean a sonogram? What in the sam hill, MRI! Good luck with Barb. :)
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